After spending some time learning to understand myself better and daring to take action even when I still felt worried, I began to feel more confident in what I knew and in the work I did. But one meeting made me ask myself: had there ever been a moment when my confidence had gone too far without me even realizing it?
Two Ways of Showing Confidence
I remember that meeting not because of the work itself, but because of the way two colleagues expressed their opinions.
The first person presented their point of view very confidently and clearly. It was obvious that they believed in what they were saying and had thought carefully before speaking. After finishing, they paused to listen to everyone’s feedback. When someone disagreed, they asked for the reasons, explained their own point of view again, and also considered which parts might need to be adjusted.
They were not indecisive at all. When they needed to defend their position, they were still able to argue their case. But other people still felt comfortable expressing their opinions.
The second person also spoke very confidently and with certainty. They had experience and clearly understood the work they were doing. But when someone offered a different opinion, they responded almost immediately: “I’ve already tried this approach. There’s no need to discuss it further.”
When someone wanted to ask more questions, they gave short answers and seemed slightly irritated. After this happened a few times, people gradually became quiet.
As I sat there watching my two colleagues, I realized that the difference was not that one of them lacked confidence. The difference was that one person was still willing to listen, while the other believed there was nothing more they needed to hear.
And that was when I began to think about myself.
I Once Mistook Arrogance for Confidence
I may lack confidence in other areas, but after many years of working, I have become quite confident in my professional expertise. Because of that, there have been times when I believed I understood a problem clearly, spoke faster, explained more, and stopped truly paying attention to what the other person was trying to say.
I never openly dismissed anyone. But looking back, there were times when I simply waited for the other person to finish so that I could argue back, rather than truly listening in order to understand.
I used to think that was because I had strong opinions of my own.
But that meeting made me realize that having your own point of view and always believing you are right are two very different things.
A confident person can say, “I think this is the most suitable approach, for the following reasons.” But they can still listen when someone else says, “I see this issue differently.”
They do not have to agree or change their opinion just to please other people. But at the very least, they do not see a different opinion as a threat to themselves.
When someone becomes arrogant, however, they begin to think that they no longer need to listen. At that point, confidence can easily turn into something else.
I recognized that in my colleague during the meeting, and then I recognized it in myself as well. It was not comfortable to admit, but it was necessary.
I Began Changing for the Better
After that meeting, I started paying more attention to myself during discussions. When someone said something that went against my own thinking, I tried to listen until they finished before responding. When I felt the urge to interrupt, I waited a little longer. And when I became uncomfortable simply because someone disagreed with me, I asked myself: is their opinion truly unreasonable, or is it simply different from mine?
I also began asking myself a very simple question: after expressing my own opinion, do I still genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say? If the answer is no, then perhaps I need to pause for a moment.
For me now, confidence does not mean always believing that I am right. Confidence means knowing what I think and why I think that way, while still accepting that I may not be seeing the whole picture.
The difference between confidence and arrogance, perhaps, lies in one simple thing: one person believes in themselves but still wants to listen, while the other believes they already know enough.
I do not think a person can change simply by reminding themselves, “Don’t be arrogant anymore.” For me, a more practical way is to slow down during conversations: listen until the other person has finished before responding, ask one more question before disagreeing, and avoid immediately assuming that an opinion different from mine must be wrong.
I also practice saying simple things such as, “I hadn’t thought about that point,” “Let me review this again,” or “I still hold my own opinion, but I understand the way you see the issue.”
Have you ever realized that there was a moment when you thought you were being confident, but in fact you were only trying to protect the feeling that you had to be right? Share your experience. Perhaps your story could also help someone else take a closer look at themselves.
