Not every relationship that has lasted for many years still makes us feel comfortable. At some point, I came to understand that a friendship worth keeping is not measured by how long it has existed, but by whether, in the present, I still feel respected and free to be myself. Below are five types of friends that, from my own personal perspective, we should consider keeping some distance from.
Table of Contents
1. When Someone Only Remembers You When They Need Something
I used to think that friends should not be too calculating, and that if someone needed me, I should be there. But after a few disappointments, I realized there are people who can go a very long time without asking how I am, yet the moment they need to borrow money, ask for a favor, or unload their emotions, they come to me very quickly. At that moment, I suddenly become their “close” friend, the understanding one in their eyes.
Helping a friend is neither difficult nor wrong. But what hurts me is the feeling that I am only remembered when I still have some value to be used. Friendship does not have to be perfectly even, but at the very least, there should be care from both sides.
2. When Your Joy Makes Your Friends… Uncomfortable
There is a type of friend who is always secretly jealous of you. It does not show up as obvious dislike, but hides beneath everyday jokes. Whenever you have good news, they immediately pour cold water on it.
When you get promoted, they mock you: “Lucky you. You really caught the right timing. Plenty of people are way more capable and work themselves to the bone, but what do they get?” When you have a good relationship, they click their tongue and say: “People that smart/rich are very calculating. Just enjoy it while it lasts.” Or when you buy something valuable, they glance at it and say: “That’s already out of style. What a waste of money.”
Feeling a little unsettled when seeing someone else move faster than you is a normal human reaction. But if someone is truly your friend, they will sincerely congratulate you instead of making you shrink yourself just to make them feel comfortable. At this age, if every time I have something joyful to share, I still have to watch my friend’s expression carefully, then that relationship is no longer light and easy.
3. Being Fun to Talk To Is Not Enough; You Also Need to Feel Safe
There are people who are very charming in conversation. Being around them always feels lively and entertaining. But the longer I spend time with them, the less safe I feel.
If today they can casually tell me someone else’s private story, then tomorrow, my story may also become something they use to entertain others. Whether intentional or not, that lack of boundaries takes away the most basic sense of safety — and I myself have experienced this unpleasant feeling before.
Friendship needs trust. A friend worth being close to is not the one who speaks the best, but the one who makes you feel safe even in silence, or when you speak honestly without fearing that you will be hurt even more.
4. A Good Friendship Should Help You Grow a Little
I do not expect every friendship to bring me opportunities or make me more capable. Some friendships are precious simply because being together feels comfortable. But no matter what, a good relationship should still nourish the soul and help it grow.
I cherish friends who help me stay calm through storms, live more kindly, or remind me not to treat myself badly. On the other hand, there are people who only meet up to gossip, complain, and pull each other into negative energy.
Not everyone who was once close is still suitable to continue walking with us. Some people deserve to remain in beautiful memories, rather than continue appearing in the present and draining our energy.
5. Repeated Cancellations Are Also an Answer
If someone misses an appointment once or twice, or cancels because they are busy, that is completely understandable. But if it happens again and again, if they keep making you wait and then act as though nothing happened, the problem is that they do not really value you.
People who always say, “Let’s meet someday,” and then disappear, or make promises just for the sake of saying them, are quietly telling you that you are not their priority. Friendship is maintained through very small things: showing up on time and keeping your word. When disappointment repeats itself too many times, I choose to quietly step back, lower my expectations, and keep some distance. That is the gentlest way for both sides.
Conclusion
Preserving memories is one thing. Continuing to place yourself in a relationship that makes your heart heavier is another. You do not need too many friends. A few people who make you feel happy and comfortable, who allow you to share freely, and who do not make you shrink yourself when you are around them — that is already more than enough.
Have you ever had a friendship that made you feel both regretful and exhausted? Share it with me in the comments.
See more: Some Things, Once Understood, Make Life Feel Lighter
