Following up on my previous post, “Living Your Life, Not Someone Else’s,” today I want to talk more deeply about the invisible barriers we face at home and in the workplace.
After making the brave decision to live for myself, I began to slow down and make more deliberate choices. It was then that I realized a startling truth: previously, most of my energy wasn’t spent on living, but on trying to please “the whole world.”
- At work, I tried to please my boss.
- At home, I tried to please my family.
- In social settings, I tried to be agreeable just to avoid upsetting anyone.
And in the midst of those exhausting efforts, I had gradually abandoned my own feelings.
“Trying to please everyone is the fastest way to lose yourself.”
Table of Contents
The Workplace: The trap of being the “Reliable One”
On the job, I used to be the person who was “easy to ask for favors.” I’d take on urgent tasks that weren’t mine and accept responsibilities that didn’t belong to me. I was afraid to say “No” because I feared being labeled as uncooperative, or that my boss would think I lacked enthusiasm.
There were days I stayed late at the office not because I was overloaded with work, but because I didn’t dare grab my bag and leave while everyone else was still sitting there. I adjusted my way of speaking, my actions, and even my personal opinions just so I wouldn’t stand out from the crowd. On the outside, I was a person everyone liked. But deep down, I was burnt out and starting to lose sight of why I was working in the first place.
The Family: Pressure born of love
At home, the story was slightly different, but the pressure was exactly the same. My family always wanted me to be “stable.” They wanted me to choose the “safe” path so that outsiders looking in would feel reassured and they wouldn’t have to worry.
I deeply understand that this comes from a place of love. But at times, that care unintentionally becomes a heavy burden of expectation. And so, I continued to struggle, twisting myself to fit into my family’s desires, even while my heart was full of questions I never voiced. I chose silence in exchange for everyone else’s peace of mind, but that very silence accumulated into a massive block of pressure inside me.
The Paradox of Pleasing
The harder I tried to satisfy everyone, the more I noticed a painful paradox: no matter how hard I tried, there was always someone who wasn’t happy.
- My boss might still want me to do more.
- My colleagues might still misunderstand my intentions.
- My family might still never stop worrying.
And in the end, the person who was the least satisfied—the one who suffered the most—was me. I started to ask myself: “If I can’t please everyone anyway, why am I sacrificing so much to try?” Caring about other people’s feelings isn’t wrong, but turning it into your only life goal is a serious mistake.
“Don’t use other people’s satisfaction as a yardstick for your self-worth. You aren’t a test waiting for someone else to grade you.”
Learning to build boundaries
My change didn’t come from a grand revolution, but from small moments of daring to speak up.
At work, I started to clearly state my limits. It wasn’t a blunt or rude refusal, but simple honesty: I’m overloaded, I need more time, or I can’t take on more work right now. At home, I practiced saying what I actually thought, even knowing I wouldn’t always get immediate support. I didn’t argue, but I also stopped staying silent just to “get it over with” while feeling resentful inside.
Every time I did this, I felt a bit uncomfortable, and I knew others felt it too. But that discomfort was still much lighter than the feeling of living against my own nature.
The world will be fine, even when you are yourself
I’ve come to understand that you can please some people, but you absolutely cannot please everyone. And most importantly, you have no responsibility to sacrifice yourself just to suit someone else’s preferences.
Being kind does not mean being submissive. Caring for others doesn’t mean you are allowed to forget yourself. Ultimately, the most important thing isn’t what the world thinks of you; it’s whether you are living a life that you can genuinely endure and accept.
When I stopped trying to please the whole world, I finally had enough space to breathe and live a life where I was no longer afraid just because I dared to be myself.
Have you ever felt exhausted from playing the “good guy” for your boss or your family? Share your story. We all deserve to live for ourselves before we live for anyone else.
