I was once in a relationship that, from the outside, looked perfect. They were attentive, texted regularly, remembered every anniversary, and were always there when I was tired. My friends told me how lucky I was, and I convinced myself that I should be happy.
But then came those evenings when my phone lit up with a familiar text, and I no longer felt that spark of excitement. I replied out of politeness, out of habit, and out of fear of hurting them—not because I genuinely wanted to share my day. That’s when I started to wonder: Do I actually love this person, or do I just love the feeling of being loved?
Table of Contents
The addiction of being someone’s priority
The feeling of being loved is incredibly addictive. It makes us feel valuable, chosen, and prioritized. When someone listens to us and dedicates their time to us, it’s very easy to mistake that satisfaction for love.
But gradually, I realized I was looking forward to the “actions” more than the “person” behind them. I liked the feeling of having someone to text every night; I liked being picked up and looked after. But if I imagined spending a long day just sitting next to them with nothing special to do, I felt a strange sense of emptiness.
“When we love the feeling of being loved, we are only loving the mirror that reflects our own worth—not the person holding the mirror.”
The signs of a “situational” love
One afternoon, they were excitedly telling me about something they were passionate about—I think it was a movie. I sat there, nodding and smiling, but my mind was miles away. I wasn’t curious, and I didn’t want to dive deeper into their story.
In that moment, I had an epiphany:
- If this were love, I would want to understand more.
- If this were love, I would care about their inner world, not just the “services” they provided for me.
Up until then, it had always been about what I liked, what I wanted to eat, and where I wanted to go. I took it all for granted without ever truly asking what they were struggling with in their own heart.
Real love embraces the things that don’t “serve” you
Looking back, when I have truly loved someone, the feeling was entirely different. I didn’t just want to be there for the highlights. I wanted to stay even when they were sad, exhausted, or cranky. I cared about things that had zero direct benefit to me: their career, their fears, and their silent battles.
But when you only love the feeling of being loved, you start to get annoyed when your partner lacks the energy to “serve” your emotional needs. When they’re busy, tired, or need care in return, you feel let down or even disappointed. At that point, the relationship isn’t a connection between two souls; it’s one person chasing a feeling and the other straining themselves to provide it.
“True love begins when the initial high fades and you still want to protect the other person’s vulnerability.”
Choosing to stop, even when no one was at fault
The hardest part was admitting that neither of us had done anything wrong. They had loved me with everything they had. As for me, I simply realized I was there for the safety, not for the soul.
I chose to walk away, not because there was a lack of affection, but because I didn’t want to continue a relationship based on a misunderstanding. Staying when you only love “the feeling” will eventually break both hearts.
“It is better to let someone be alone than to stay together and leave both people feeling empty.”
After that experience, whenever someone knocks on the door of my heart, I ask myself one simple question: “Would I still care about this person even if they weren’t making me feel good right now?”
If the answer is yes, it might be love. But if I only feel empty because I’m not being pursued, then I’m likely just craving the feeling of being loved. The two are more different than we think.
Have you ever woken up and realized you were mistaking your own feelings? Don’t be afraid to face the truth; only by being honest with yourself can you find a love that is real.
