During my first few days at work, I was like a blank slate—eager and completely incapable of saying no. I did whatever anyone asked, took on tasks that weren’t mine, and worked overtime just to keep things running smoothly. Back then, I deluded myself with very “logical” excuses: “I’m just doing this for the experience.”
But deep down, the real reason was that I was afraid of being disliked. I was terrified of being seen as uncooperative or unenthusiastic. At that point, I had no idea what it meant to “know who I was in a crowd.” I was too busy playing the role of the perfect colleague in everyone else’s eyes.
“Sometimes we aren’t being kind because we want to help; we’re being kind because we’re afraid of being rejected.”
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The addiction to “Compliments”
In exchange for my limitless devotion, I received sweet words of praise:
- “We finished today all because of you.”
- “You’re so sweet, you never complain when someone asks for help.”
- “With you carrying the load, things are so much easier for the rest of us.”
To someone just starting out in life, those words felt as precious as gold medals. I mistook praise for a genuine validation of my skills and character. But slowly, I realized I wasn’t helping because I wanted to; I was doing it because I was afraid. I feared that if I said “no” just once, my “good person” crown would fall off. I was scared people’s looks would change—that I’d no longer be the “approachable” one. So, I kept pushing myself, kept accepting work in silence just to trade it for a compliment—something that, in reality, only soothed my exhaustion for a fleeting moment.
The harsh truth behind the shield
The turning point came when I was assigned a major real estate project. The pressure was so intense that I couldn’t carry a single extra “nameless” task. I finally uttered a simple sentence: “I can’t take on anything else.”
Immediately, the atmosphere shifted. There were no harsh words, but the previous warmth evaporated. The compliments stopped; the friendly social smiles vanished. I suddenly felt a numbing sense of isolation.
In that moment, a painful truth sank in: those compliments weren’t for who I was, but for how useful I was to them. I had been living for the crowd’s reaction instead of my own feelings. I had become a slave to praise—a set of chains that felt soft and gentle, but were incredibly binding.
“Praise only has value when it recognizes effort, not when it’s a reward for blind sacrifice.”
Learning to be “unlikeable” and free
I still like being complimented; I think everyone does. It’s a basic human instinct. But I’ve learned that if a compliment only exists as long as you’re sacrificing yourself, it’s a cheap trade-off.
I started learning to accept that I wouldn’t be “sweet” in everyone’s eyes anymore. Some people will be disappointed, some will distance themselves, and some might even dislike me. That feeling was sad and shaky at first, but in return, I stopped feeling burnt out. It was a necessary price for my growth.
Now, I still help when I can, but I refuse to trade my health or my precious time just for a few “nice” words. I’m learning to set boundaries, because only when I respect myself can I help others with true sincerity.
I want to receive an honest compliment for my talent, not a “thank you” for being “easy to handle.”
Have you ever found yourself drowning in the need for praise? I’d love to hear your story.
